Stir mayonnaise, hoisin sauce, and hot sauce together in a small bowl; set aside until ready to assemble the bites.

Add carrots and radish to a bowl, and pour over the seasoned rice vinegar. Marinate on the counter for about 15 minutes, tossing occasionally.

When ready to serve, prepare cucumber, jalapeno slices, and cilantro; set aside. Spread each baguette slice with about 1 teaspoon hoisin mayonnaise, and arrange baguette slices on a serving platter.

Heat butter in a nonstick pan over medium-high heat, add bologna in a single layer, and fry on both sides, turning occasionally, until edges start to get browned and crisp, 2 to 3 minutes. You may need to brown in batches, and reduce the heat if need be.

Place 1 fried bologna slice on each baguette slice, and top with cucumbers, then with marinated carrot and radish. Finish with jalapeno rings, a drizzle of hot sauce, and fresh cilantro leaves.