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Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with foil. Lightly grease or coat a casserole dish, pie plate or skillet with vegetable cooking spray. Place the casserole dish on the foil lined baking sheet. Set aside.
Pour the vegetable oil in a large non-stick skillet. Wipe out most of the oil and spread it around using a clean paper towel. Heat on medium-high. Place the jalapeño halves, cut side down in the skillet and cook until lightly charred. Remove from the skillet and cool slightly. Set 4 jalapeño halves aside for topping. With the remaining 8 jalapeño halves, remove the seeds and membranes and discard then dice the jalapeños into ½-inch pieces.
In a large mixing bowl combine the diced jalapeños, cream cheese, parsley, onion, Rotel tomatoes, cheese and mayonnaise. Blend on medium speed with an electric mixer until combined. Add some of the reserved liquid from the tomatoes to thin if needed. Pour into the prepared casserole dish and spread evenly.
Mix together the bread crumbs, Parmesan and melted butter. Sprinkle over the cheese dip. Place the remaining 4 jalapeño halves, cut side up, on top of the dip. Press down gently into the cheese mixture. Sprinkle with red pepper flakes if using.
Bake at 400°F for 30 minutes or until dip is bubbly.