Lay cling wrap over the chicken breasts and pound with a rolling pin, other tool, or barbarian fists, until the chicken is evenly thick but not terribly thin. Remove the cling wrap. Cut the larger breasts until you get your rough desired size, or up to the amount of players you're feeding. Undersized pieces can be enjoyed as tenders.

Combine all the buttermilk marinade ingredients in a large bowl, then throw in the chicken and toss evenly. Seal the bowl with cling wrap or a lid, then put in the fridge for 3 hours at least. Overnight is even better. You can make the sauce now if you'd like and refrigerate it until it's serving time.

Remove the chicken from the fridge and let rest for 30 minutes. You don't want the chicken cold when it gets frying.

In a new bowl combine all the breading ingredients, then dredge the chicken to get a heavy coat evenly across the meat.

In another pan fry the bacon until crispy while you're frying the chicken in the next steps. Save a small amount of the grease.

Heat about 2 inches high of oil over a medium-high heat cooking fire or stove. Patiently wait for the oil to heat to 350°F (175°C) and then put in the chicken in quantities such that they don't overcrowd the pan. We don't want the oil to dip too cold from too much chicken being introduced.

Fry for 3 minutes per side, then transfer the chicken to a colander placed on top of a paper towel on a plate. The colander will drain the excess oil away from the chicken so it doesn't soak and get soggy.

Mix the sauce ingredients in a bowl and set aside.

Spread the butter on the baguette slices and toast on the bacon pan with a bit of the grease leftover until golden brown. Slather some sauce on every other slice you intend on serving.

Stack a chicken breast, lettuce leaf, onion, slice of tomato, bacon, and optional cheese on 1 regular and one sauced slice of baguette.

Serve to hungry adventurers and get back to your quest!