Fill a large pot with water. Add a generous handful of salt, ½ an onion cut in half, and 1 bay leaf. Bring to a boil.

Once the water is boiling, submerge the crabs. Cover and cook on medium-to-medium-high heat for 45 to 50 minutes.

Remove the crabs from the pot and set them aside on a rimmed plate or bowl.

Coat the bottom of a large pot entirely with olive oil and set the stove to medium-low heat.

Add the diced onions, minced garlic, allspice balls, and fish bouillon cube(s) to the pot all at the same time. Let them cook down while you prep the crab.

Once the onions have softened, stir in 1 large wooden spoon of hot sauce/hot pepper, 1 long tbsp of tomato paste, and 2 capfuls of vinegar (or red wine). Add about half a small cup of water to loosen the mixture.

Pull off the legs first and set them aside.

Hold the crab upright, open it from the 'face side,' and keep the shell facing up/tilted so the internal liquids ('sauce') do not spill out.

Remove and discard the face piece, the tail/bottom flap piece, the spine, and the spongy white gills ('white bits') from the sides and mouth area.

Pour the rich liquid from the inside of the main shell directly into your simmering onion and oil sauce mix. Add a splash of water to the empty shell, scrape the insides out thoroughly, and pour that into the pot as well.

Cut the remaining cleaned crab bodies into halves, then into quarters.

Pour any accumulated juices from the resting plate/bowl into the simmering sauce.

Add the quartered crab bodies into the pot.

Add the crab legs in last.

Gently mix everything together for about 10 seconds until the crab is thoroughly coated in the sauce.

If the sauce is too thick, stir in an extra 2 to 3 tablespoons of water. Taste the sauce; if desired, add a little more salt or extra hot pepper.

Toss in a handful of fresh parsley, stir one final time, and serve!