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Bring a large pot of water and 2 tablespoons (18 g) kosher salt to a boil over high heat. Add kale and cook, stirring occasionally, until vibrant green and tender, 6 to 7 minutes. Using tongs or a spider strainer, transfer kale to a rimmed baking sheet, and let cool until cool enough to handle, about 15 minutes. Working in batches, wrap kale in a clean kitchen towel, and squeeze to remove excess liquid. Coarsely chop kale and set aside.
While kale cools, heat oil in a medium saucepan or high-sided skillet over medium heat. Add shallot and cook, stirring often, until softened and translucent, about 5 minutes. Add cream and bring to a simmer over medium heat, about 1 minute. Cook, stirring frequently, until cream is thickened and reduced by about half, 8 to 10 minutes. Reduce heat to low. Add butter, garlic, and remaining 1 ¼ teaspoons (about 4 g) kosher salt. Cook, stirring constantly, until butter is melted. Add cream cheese and Parmesan. Whisk until combined, about 2 minutes. Stir in kale and cook, stirring occasionally, until warmed through and evenly coated in cream mixture, about 2 minutes. If needed, gradually add up to ¼ cup water to loosen mixture to desired consistency. Remove from heat, and serve immediately.