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Heat the butter in a small pot over medium heat until melted. Continue cooking, stirring occasionally, until the butter foams and turns golden brown, about 2 minutes.
Add the dates and ½ cup water. Let cook undisturbed for 1 to 2 minutes, until the dates soften. Use a wooden spoon to mash the dates into a thick paste.
Stir in the milk, oats, vanilla, cinnamon and chia seeds. Bring the mixture to a gentle simmer, then cook, stirring occasionally, for 5-6 minutes, until the oats are tender and the oatmeal reaches your preferred consistency.
Stir in the chopped pecans.
Scoop oatmeal into a bowl and add fresh fruit if using, drizzle with cream and sprinkle with flaky sea salt.