Set the pan over medium heat and add the pancetta to the dry pan. Cook 6 to 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the fat has rendered out and the edges are crisp and deep golden. Lift the pancetta out with a slotted spoon onto a plate and leave every bit of the rendered fat in the pan. Take the pan off the heat for a minute so it isn't ripping hot when the dairy goes in.

Everything else goes in at once. Lay the two frozen udon blocks flat in the pan, side by side. Scatter the garlic over them. Spoon the gochujang, tomato paste, gochugaru, soy sauce, honey, and black pepper on top. Pour the cream and the water around the noodles, so the blocks are sitting in about half an inch of liquid.

Lid on. Return to medium heat and cook, untouched, for 7 minutes.

Lift the lid. The noodles will be sitting in a thin pink pool — that's correct. Pry the blocks apart with tongs; they'll separate in a few seconds with almost no force. Toss everything together so the paste sitting on top folds into the cream and the sauce turns an even rosé.

Keep it uncovered over medium for 2 to 3 minutes, tossing constantly, until the sauce tightens and clings to the noodles. It should coat the back of a spoon and pool slightly, not run.

Turn off the heat. Add the parmesan and toss until it melts in. Off heat is important here — it emulsifies instead of clumping. Taste. It should be creamy, gently sweet, and just spicy on the finish. Add a splash of water if it's tighter than you want.

Return the crisped pancetta to the pan and toss once or twice, just enough to distribute it without softening it.

Twirl into bowls. Top with the scallions, a raw egg yolk nested in the center, more parmesan, and a pinch of gochugaru. Break the yolk into the noodles at the table.