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Boil your noodles in salted water and take them out about 30 seconds early so they can finish soaking up the sauce later. Save a bit of pasta water (!!) then rinse the noodles so they don't fuse together like overexcited besties at a reunion.
In a cold pan, toss in peanut butter, chili flakes, green onion, sesame seeds, garlic, one tablespoon of chili crisp, rice vinegar, and dark soy sauce. No heat yet… we're building flavor first.
Heat one third cup of neutral oil until it's dangerously hot… like "step back and pray for your eyebrows" hot. Carefully pour it over the cold ingredients and listen to that ASMR sizzle. Give it all a good stir.
Add your noodles and toss until they're completely coated and glossy. If you want that restaurant-level silkiness, turn the heat to medium low and mix in a splash of your saved noodle water.
Kill the heat, hit it with extra green onion, a spoon of chili crisp, and a squeeze of lime if you're in your main character era.