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Slice the ends off the cucumbers, then using the flat side of your knife, gently smash them. Slice the smashed cucumbers into 1 inch chunks. Place in a bowl and toss with 1 tablespoon of white sugar and 1 teaspoon of Kosher salt. Refrigerate for 10 minutes, then drain.
In a food processor, combine the green parts of the scallions (save the white parts for another use), 1 tablespoon of rice vinegar, 1 tablespoon of Momofuku Soy Sauce, 1 teaspoon of white sugar, and 2 tablespoons of canola oil. Puree until smooth.
Toss green onion puree with the drained cucumbers and top with about a tablespoon of Momofuku Chili Crunch (or more or less, depending on your taste). Adjust the seasoning, as needed, with more Kosher salt.