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Drain tofu, wrap in paper towels, and place in a microwave-safe bowl. Cook in the microwave for 2 minutes. Unwrap and slice into ¾-inch cubes.
Whisk miso paste, soy sauce, sesame oil, sugar, oyster sauce, doubanjiang, ginger, and garlic together in a bowl.
Whisk 1 tablespoon water and cornstarch together in a small bowl until smooth.
Combine miso mixture, remaining water, ground beef, and ground pork together in a large microwave-safe bowl. Cover and cook on 600W for 4 minutes. Drain liquid into the cornstarch mixture; mix well.
Mix tofu, cornstarch mixture, and green onion carefully into the bowl of ground meat. Cover and cook until flavors combine, about 4 minutes.