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In a small bowl, whisk together the hoisin sauce, soy sauce, rice wine vinegar, brown sugar, five spice, garlic powder, and a splash of beetroot juice until the sugar dissolves and you have a glossy, deep red sauce. Set aside.
Open the pack of tofu and slice into approx 1cm thick triangles. Heat a non-stick frying pan over medium-high with a little oil. Lay the tofu in a single layer and cook undisturbed for about 3 minutes per side, until deeply golden and lightly crisped.
Turn the heat down to medium. Pour the glaze over the tofu and toss gently to coat every piece. Let it bubble and reduce, turning the tofu once or twice, until the sauce is thick, sticky, and clinging to the tofu, about 2 to 3 minutes.
Microwave the rice according to pack instructions and divide between two bowls. Fan out slices of avocado on one side of the rice, pile the shredded cucumber next to it, then add a heap of pickled onions. Lay the glazed tofu across the middle and spoon over any extra sauce from the pan. Scatter sliced spring onions across the top to serve.