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Add the sesame oil and 3 tablespoons of the neutral oil to a large deep-sided sauté pan set over medium heat.
Add cabbage in as even a layer as possible, let sit without stirring for about 6 to 8 minutes.
Stir and let sit again, until most of the cabbage shreds have gotten some hot-pan contact and look slightly golden and caramelized, another 5 to 7 minutes.
Create some room in the middle of the pan by pushing the cabbage to the perimeter.
Add the remaining tablespoon of oil, the onion, ginger, and garlic to the middle of the pan and cook until softened, about 2 minutes.
Mix in with the cabbage, and again, push everything to the edges.
Add the tofu pieces in an even layer, using more oil if the pan seems dry, and brown for 2 minutes each side.
Toss everything together, then add the peanut butter in a few small dollops directly onto whatever exposed surfaces of the pan you can find.
Allow them to melt slightly, then toss everything together until the cabbage looks both caramelized and creamy.
Serve in individual bowls and have diners add their own drizzle of soy sauce and rice wine vinegar.
Start with about 1 tablespoon of soy sauce or tamari per serving, and a little less vinegar, toss and taste.
Add more soy sauce (or tamari) if necessary.
Garnish with sesame seeds, scallions and chives.