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Cook the bacon in a large pot or skillet over medium/high heat until crispy.
Remove the bacon and set it aside, leaving ¼ cup of the bacon grease in the pan.
Add the sliced onions and shallots to the pan with a pinch of salt and a splash of water. Cook over medium/high heat.
Continue adding splashes of water throughout the cooking process to prevent the onions from burning. Stir frequently until the onions and shallots are caramelized (about 40-50 minutes).
While the onions are caramelizing, combine the cream cheese, sour cream, mayo, shredded cheddar, 4 oz shredded mozzarella, Worcestershire sauce, salt, freshly cracked pepper, and the crispy bacon (save some bacon for topping). Mix and set aside.
In the last 2–3 minutes of caramelizing, add the garlic, fresh thyme, balsamic vinegar, and brown sugar. Stir until well combined.
Let the caramelized onions and shallots cool slightly before mixing them into the cheese mixture.
Transfer to a baking dish, top with the remaining mozzarella, and sprinkle with the reserved crispy bacon.
Bake at 350°F for 10 minutes, then top with crispy fried onions and finish under the broiler for 2–3 minutes, until golden and bubbly.
Serve with Firehook crackers and enjoy!